Outline Item
- At least 3 main body sections (more’s fine)
Adaption of Outline Item
There
are a great deal of misunderstandings, I believe, that Americans have about the
Fourth Amendment, the National Security Agency, and the Patriot Act. The Fourth
Amendment is in the Bill of Rights. It is one of the rights that the Founding
Fathers believe that every American should have. What the Fourth Amendment provides
citizens of the United States of America, “to be secure in their persons,
houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall
not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause.” What this
all means in modern day English is that the American people have a right to
privacy in their property, documents, and any other possessions. They are not
allowed to be searched without a warrant that was issued due to probable cause
of the person committing a crime or being part of a crime.
The National Security Agency is
an intelligence organization of the American government responsible for global
monitoring, collection, and processing of information and data for foreign
intelligence purposes. This means that they are the part of the government
in-charge of collecting information. They are the ones that make sure there are
not any suspicious activities being discussed that would threaten national
security, this is where they play into the Patriot Act.
The Patriot Act was enacted, as
stated before, on October 26, 2001 in response to the attacks on September 11. It
was a way for the government to make their citizens feel more secure and at the
same time give them a way to reduce the risk of terrorism. The purpose that the
act reads, “to deter and punish terrorist acts in the United States and around
the world, to enhance law enforcement investigatory tools, and for other
purposes.” The part that makes people angry is the “investigatory tools.” They
feel that this means the government is watching their every move. What this
part of the purpose really means that they are giving themselves the power to
stop terrorist acts from happening and have the legal power to do so. The NSA
were the ones given a new agenda with the creation of this act. They were in-charge
of collecting vital information from domestic communications in an attempt to
vanquish terrorism. They were given the task of preventing another tragedy similar
to 9-1-1.
The
NSA was not originally created to stop terrorism. It was originally created to
survey the country and its citizens for domestic events in the Cold War. This
was a time that the population demanded an agency like this. Now that it had
been re-purposed, people were beginning to find flaws with it and fighting
against the same agency they had previously celebrated. I believe that
Americans began to turn against the National Security Agency because they began
to go against the war. When the citizens were in support of finding those
responsible for 9-1-1, they were also in support of everything anti-terrorist.
When that flame burned out, some American’s support for the NSA did as well.
Though the large amount of background information is necessary for most audiences, I think it came at a cost of your argument. I have to read two blocks of text before I ever find out what it is you really have to say. You should try to get your thesis statement closer to the beginning of the essay so that the reader knows what the paper is really about from the start. Because as it is, the reader will think they're reading a history of the NSA until they get to the third paragraph. Then they find out they're reading an argument about the NSA.
ReplyDeleteHey Jack!
ReplyDeleteI liked what you had to say in this little snippet of your paper, but I have a few suggestions. The first suggestion is to trim down this part of the body. I agree that it is vital for the paper to explain what the NSA and the Patriot Act actually mean but perhaps abbreviate those sections that do the explaining so you can get back to your main argument. Also, make it a little clearer what the purpose of this body is too, it seems a little uncertain what your position on all of this is, so maybe add a few more sentences that tie into the thesis of your paper so it's clear why explaining this is relevant. That leads into another suggestion dealing with form, which is cut the "I believe" parts of the paper. For the standard college essay, first person isn't as appropriate as if it were being used for a video essay. We know that you believe what you're saying in the paper, or else you wouldn't be writing it, and plus it makes you sound like you know what you are talking about if you just state your opinion without the "I believe" parts. However, I do understand that it is a public argument paper, so that might be more appropriate, but that's your call.
Otherwise, the content you need to successfully put together this paper is all there, now you just need to organize it so it supports the argument that you are making. Keep up the good work!