Editorial Report for Fine Cut 2

My opposition to the other argument in this controversy stayed relatively the same. I felt I discredited their argument well and adjustments were all that needed to be made.

Selection from Rough Draft

Although the collection of some personal data seems perfectly reasonable to keep our country and its citizens safe, there are still many people that are strongly opposed to what the NSA is doing. They believe that it is a violation of their basic American right to privacy and believe that the National Security Agency should stay away from innocent Americans and their personal information. They use the argument that it violates the Fourth Amendment which protects American citizens from illegally being searched without probable cause. My rebuttal to that argument is that that law does not apply to the collection of data for your own safety. What this amendment protects if from the police breaking down your door in the middle of the night to search for whatever they want. It is protecting the average citizen from being prosecuted by local police forces in order for the government to raise money off small fines for such things as an under ventilated room. The National Security Agency and the Patriot Act are in place to prevent the naval recruitment center next your business from being shot up by a radicalistic liberal. It prevents your community’s bank from being robbed and innocent people being held at gunpoint throughout the process. The government does not have bad intentions with the collection of the average American’s data. They are not trying to find out if you ran a red light earlier in the week to hunt you down and give you a ticket; they are trying to fight for your safety and the safety of those around you.

Re-edited Selection

https://docs.google.com/a/email.arizona.edu/document/d/1xCjJ7Z4HJVe_E1BliEoHT-dvM6La0Zz8b2QuMgrlzbc/edit?usp=sharing

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

In the re-edited version of this section of the paper, I added a fact from a pew research study based on American’s opinions on the collection of data. This adds a great deal of credibility to argument and helps the reader trust my statements more.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

The form in this part of my paper changes in how I word my statements. I made several grammatical changes in order to convey the information more clearly such as re ordering my sentences in some of the paragraphs.