Editorial Report for Fine Cut 1

Making edits to my rough draft into my final draft is a process. I am realizing that I can communicate my data in a more effective way and am changing entire parts of what I originally wrote.

Selection from Rough Cut

What the National Security Agency does to collect data is have companies such as Palantir, a company valued at around $9 billion, to build pattern-analysis software. This software works by adding metadata tags to communications as they pass through digital sensors at various points in the Internet. This means that the NSA has found parts of the Internet that they feel is at risk of terrorist communication and want to track what is being said. They then take this data and store it in large data storage plants that are called “haystacks”. This data is kept in order to keep the information in the communications safe from getting into malicious hands and also in case it connects to any future concerns.

Re-Edited Selection

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OAbcpWdbq5z2rZgx_qBFKUpKOtNs2otyYm3LDiUwdnY/edit

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

I changed the wording of the entire section. I made it more effectively communicated because I used the reason why they collect the data in the new section. It also connects it to the introduction section of my paper as well.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

I changed the order in the points that I am trying to make in the paragraph. Originally I had the explanation of what metadata was later in the section but now in my final draft, I have it as the first sentence in order to give the reader an idea of what is being discussed.