This
post will help me in the long run because it made me think of how my paper will
be constructed and what the content will look like throughout the paper as
well.
- An opening section
-
In
this section of my paper I plan to grab the reader emotionally. I want to point
out some terrorist attacks that have happened in the past and point out that
they could have been prevented if the NSA was able to collect certain data.
-
My
thesis will read: While Americans have historically enjoyed full freedom of
privacy protected by the fourth amendment, modern struggles require Americans
to relinquish some of this right to privacy in order to ensure the security of
the country. There is a balance to strike however between security and this
principle right in the United States of America.
- At least 3 main body sections (more’s fine)
-
One
section I want to talk about the NSA’s purpose.
-
The
next section I want to talk about how they use data they collect.
-
Another
section I want to talk about the opposing opinion and why it is irrelevant.
-
The
final main section I want to talk about
what needs to change about the NSA.
- A closing section
-
In
this section I want to say that the argument should not be privacy vs. security
but rather liberty vs. control.
- Main idea for each section
-
The
opening section I want to connect with the reader emotionally. National
tragedies are one of the things that make Americans come together the most
about and fight for change on. If I can strike that heart string, I can make a
great start in persuading my audience to agree with my point.
-
The
first main section is meant to give the reader a background of why governmental
is in place and what the NSA and other surveillance agencies are meant to do.
-
The
second main section is meant to explain what the NSA does with this data that
they collect in order to give the truth about what they do. This is meant to
clear up any false rumors that surround what the NSA does with your data.
-
The
third main section is meant to discredit the opposing opinion. This would be
the opinion that the government should not be collecting any American’s data.
-
The
final main section would be meant to explain what could be fixed about the NSA
to make the collection of your data safer for you and less invasive.
-
The
concluding section would be meant to explain to people that their opinion does
not have to be security or privacy, you will always have some of both. The
opinion should be based on whether you want liberty for your data or the
government to be able to control what is happening.
- Major pieces of evidence for each body section
(there should be at least 2 for each)
NSA Purpose
-
The
first piece of evidence here could be the reason that the NSA was installed as
well as the Patriot Act. I would include what the Patriot Act is and how it
came to be. In addition, if there have been any changes to it since its
inception, I hould cover them here.
-
The
second piece of evidence could be the list of duties and responsibilities that
the NSA has and why they have each one.
NSA with Data
-
The
first piece of evidence could be where each category of evidence the NSA
collects is placed.
-
The
second piece of evidence could be why they collect each piece of data.
Opposing Opinion
-
The
first piece of evidence could be explaining what the opposing side is and why
they think this way.
-
The
second piece of evidence could be explaining, for example, how the opposing
side believes that the government will give out the information without a
second thought. This is incorrect and can be proven by an example involving the
underwear bomber of 2009.
Changing the NSA
-
The
first piece of evidence here could be the suggested amendment to the Patriot
Act that makes the NSA have reasonable cause to collect and store a piece of
data.
-
The
second piece of evidence could be how the government needs to prevent marketing
companies from doing the same thing as the NSA, by collecting massive amounts
of data and putting it in storage, and not have the security to make sure the
wrong person does not get a hold of it by hacking into their data bases for
example.
- Summary of what the evidence proves (for each
piece of evidence)
1.
The
first piece of evidence proves that there is a reason that the Patriot Act and
NSA are in existence.
2.
The
second piece of evidence proves that they are actually doing something besides
costing the tax payer a great deal of money.
3.
The
third piece of evidence proves where the data is stored and who has access to
this data.
4.
The
next piece of evidence proves that the NSA has a reason they are collecting
each piece of data.
5.
This
piece of evidence proves that there is another opinion and the points that they
use in their argument for their side. There is no real proof that large amounts
of data collection will protect the American people as explained in this
article: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/05/16/the-nsa-can-collect-it-all-but-what-will-it-do-with-our-data-next.html
What I also want to talk about in this
section is how companies are also doing similar things to the NSA. They are the
ones that are not careful with a person’s data and put them at risk. The
following article explains this in greater depth. http://www.cnn.com/2015/02/04/politics/deena-zaru-internet-privacy-security-al-franken/
6. This
piece of evidence proves why a lot of what the opposing side is wrong about how
care free the NSA is with American’s data. If they were so protective that the
FBI had a hard time getting ahold of some data, then another outside source
will not be able to get the data at all. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/nsa-intelligence-gathering-programs-keep-us-safe/2014/01/02/0fd51b22-7173-11e3-8b3f-b1666705ca3b_story.html
7. The next piece of evidence proves that
there needs to be a change in the Patriot Act and in how the NSA collects data
and a way to fix it. http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/05/16/the-nsa-can-collect-it-all-but-what-will-it-do-with-our-data-next.html
8.
The
final piece of evidence proves that the NSA is not the agency that is risking
Americans’ security, it is the marketing companies that take their data and are
not careful in what they do with it.
- Summary of why that’s important (for each piece
of evidence)
1.
This
is important because the audience needs a background of why what we are arguing
about even exists.
2.
This
is important because there needs to be an understanding by the reader of what
the NSA says they are doing and if they are following these guidelines.
3.
This
one is important because it is necessary to know what the NSA does with the
data in order to understand why they collect data.
4.
The
fourth one is important because if they do not have a reason to collect
Americans’ data then there would not be a reason for them to exist.
5.
The
fifth piece of evidence is important because without knowing what the opposing
side wants then the reader cannot choose a side to stand for.
6.
The
sixth piece of evidence is important because it explains why governmental
surveillance is more important than privacy.
7.
This
is important because it shows that there are improvements that can be made with
the Patriot Act and how the NSA operates.
8.
The
final piece of evidence is important because the reader needs to know that the
true enemy of collecting their data are privately owned companies, not their
public government.
- Some ideas about how to grab the reader’s
attention in the opening section (at least 2)
-
One
way to grab the reader’s attention in the opening paragraph is to talk about
the disasters of terrorism that have directly affected the United States
-
Another
way to grab the attention of the reader in the opening section is to talk about
without regulation it could happen again.
- Some idea about how to explain the larger
significance of your subject in the closing section (at least 2)
-
Talk
about how what the argument truly should be about is liberty vs. control and
that people should be arguing on a more moderate basis. It will never be
security or privacy in modern times.
-
Another
way to explain the larger significance is to explain what can be prevented with
the help of governmental surveillance such as wars, terrorist attacks, and
major drug movements in or out of the country.
Jack, you did a great job at giving a very detailed outline. I feel as if you have a good understanding of the project and what you want to discuss in your argument. Make sure you include a thesis statement in your introduction. I would also make the project more personal by including why you are passionate about this argument and stating your credibility. I would also include more concrete evidence by including quotes and specific statistics (logos).
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